Toilet Etiquette
I had a kick ass bank holiday weekend. It was just fantastic. The best night out in London I've ever had. Will update you guys about that later.
Meanwhile, I've never forgot my main duty here is to entertain. So this is something that I've found on the net which is extremely insightful: the Male Restroom Etiquette.
Apparently, some people are really so free that they've written a number of rules, or convention, that men around the world observe when they pee. For men, it would be amusing to read; for women, it would be a door to see how the strange male brains actually work.
The rules
There are unspoken rules of men's room etiquette. I don't know how we know them, we just do. Well, most of us anyway. Some are common sense. Some, otherwise. I will now attempt to acquaint you with some of the more important rules and procedures for the very natural process of urinating in a public forum.
Rule #1. Always, ALWAYS leave a buffer zone of at least one urinal between you and the nearest peer. Always. Simple enough? Apparently not for the dysfunctional pee people I encountered. I will allow some leeway on this rule if and only if there is some sort of partition between urinals. But even then, skip a space if at all possible.
Rule #2. If it is impossible to skip at least one urinal, then check for an open stall. Yes, that's right the good old traditional sit-down toilet. Most of these are fully-enclosed, except for perhaps a foot or two of space at the bottom. If no stall is available, then I recommend leaving and coming back at a later time. Although waiting is acceptable, as long as you wait over by the sink. Don't wait directly behind someone who is doing his business. I mean, really, most of us have been in prison at one time or another, and it's just a little uncomfortable, that's all.
Rule #3. Once you're at your station, employ the three 'S' method of public urination (snuggle, straight, silent). Get in close, look straight ahead, and don't speak. No one likes a loosey-goosey-necked urinator. Don't look around. No one likes a long-distance bomber either. Get as close as possible to the porcelain without touching it. And don't make small talk. It's not a social event. It's a bodily function. Besides, you should be more worried about what you would do if someone were to steal your wallet right at this very moment. Because really, this would be the opportune time, don't you think? (That's what I always think about when I am peeing anyway.)
Understand? Here are some question to test whether you truly grasp the precious skills:
Question 1: There are five urinals and three stalls. Urinals #2 and #5 are occupado. What do you do?
Answer: Since it would be impossible to skip a urinal on each side, check the stalls. If you can't find an open stall, you can pretend to wash your hands until a urinal comes open, or just leave and come back in a little while. If urinals 1 and 5 would have been occupied, you could have safely and properly used urinal 3.
Question 2: What if you enter an empty restroom? Is there a best choice of urinals?
Answer: Really, you're only going to be in there for a short time, hopefully, unless you have some sort of problem. So it doesn't matter so much. Still, to be safe, choose an end urinal. Then, if someone were to violate the one-urinal buffer zone rule, you could still do the 30 degree turn and get a measure of privacy. Also, sometimes the sinks are next to the urinals. If this is the case, choose a urinal away from the sink.
Well, for me, instead of following all these rules, I'd rather be doing this:
Meanwhile, I've never forgot my main duty here is to entertain. So this is something that I've found on the net which is extremely insightful: the Male Restroom Etiquette.
Apparently, some people are really so free that they've written a number of rules, or convention, that men around the world observe when they pee. For men, it would be amusing to read; for women, it would be a door to see how the strange male brains actually work.
The rules
There are unspoken rules of men's room etiquette. I don't know how we know them, we just do. Well, most of us anyway. Some are common sense. Some, otherwise. I will now attempt to acquaint you with some of the more important rules and procedures for the very natural process of urinating in a public forum.
Rule #1. Always, ALWAYS leave a buffer zone of at least one urinal between you and the nearest peer. Always. Simple enough? Apparently not for the dysfunctional pee people I encountered. I will allow some leeway on this rule if and only if there is some sort of partition between urinals. But even then, skip a space if at all possible.
Rule #2. If it is impossible to skip at least one urinal, then check for an open stall. Yes, that's right the good old traditional sit-down toilet. Most of these are fully-enclosed, except for perhaps a foot or two of space at the bottom. If no stall is available, then I recommend leaving and coming back at a later time. Although waiting is acceptable, as long as you wait over by the sink. Don't wait directly behind someone who is doing his business. I mean, really, most of us have been in prison at one time or another, and it's just a little uncomfortable, that's all.
Rule #3. Once you're at your station, employ the three 'S' method of public urination (snuggle, straight, silent). Get in close, look straight ahead, and don't speak. No one likes a loosey-goosey-necked urinator. Don't look around. No one likes a long-distance bomber either. Get as close as possible to the porcelain without touching it. And don't make small talk. It's not a social event. It's a bodily function. Besides, you should be more worried about what you would do if someone were to steal your wallet right at this very moment. Because really, this would be the opportune time, don't you think? (That's what I always think about when I am peeing anyway.)
Understand? Here are some question to test whether you truly grasp the precious skills:
Question 1: There are five urinals and three stalls. Urinals #2 and #5 are occupado. What do you do?
Answer: Since it would be impossible to skip a urinal on each side, check the stalls. If you can't find an open stall, you can pretend to wash your hands until a urinal comes open, or just leave and come back in a little while. If urinals 1 and 5 would have been occupied, you could have safely and properly used urinal 3.
Question 2: What if you enter an empty restroom? Is there a best choice of urinals?
Answer: Really, you're only going to be in there for a short time, hopefully, unless you have some sort of problem. So it doesn't matter so much. Still, to be safe, choose an end urinal. Then, if someone were to violate the one-urinal buffer zone rule, you could still do the 30 degree turn and get a measure of privacy. Also, sometimes the sinks are next to the urinals. If this is the case, choose a urinal away from the sink.
Well, for me, instead of following all these rules, I'd rather be doing this:
posted by Lenny at 01:30
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